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storytelling, week 11 - the creation of the mermaid
The Creation of the Mermaid The whale created the oceans, far and wide, deep and shallow, black and blue. He created the plants that bloomed vibrantly through the waving currents, and he created the sand that shimmered abundantly beneath the weight of the water. The whale also created the live that happily swam among the tides. The whale was proud and very content with his creation, but one day he decided there should be another creation, none like he has ever made before. It shall be called a mermaid, because of its man like-features. The whale gathered the animals that lived in his ocean, and held a meeting that would decide what the new creation should consist of. Each animal had its own thoughts of what the new life should be. The clown fish thought the mermaid should be orange and white, just like him. The shark thought it should have razor sharp teeth, so it could hunt better than any other fish. The tuna thought the mermaid should be agile and very large, to cut and dive thr
Hi Gracie!
ReplyDeleteI know absolutely nothing about Greek Gods and Goddesses, so I was really drawn to your story. After reading the introduction, I thought that you did a really good job explaining these different goddesses and how you were planning to carry out your storybook. What made you decide to choose this topic? Have you always been interested in Greek Gods and Goddesses, or did you just see potential in developing a creative story? I really like the picture that you chose for the introduction page.
Overall, I think your topic is really interesting and I know nothing about it, so I would love to keep up with it and see how it plays out. The only advice I have is maybe to change your banner image to something that will really grab the attention of your viewers, especially on the home page. If there is a colorful image of one of the Greek Gods or Goddesses, that could really reach out to some viewers!
Hi Gracie! What a cute site name. Obviously a pun on your name, and clever! I learned all about Greek mythology in middle school, but my memory on any of it is very limited. I'm always super intrigued by these stories, so I can't wait to read more. Since I know nothing about it, and I'm sure others don't as well, you could add a small explanation in the author's note of each story as a quick backgrounder. Another idea could be to incorporate some Greek-like pictures in the headings of your homepage and introduction to add some extra flares. Overall, you're off to a great start and it looks like you have a good plan for the future. Going forward, creating a transition sentence at the end of each story (and the intro) could help lead readers from one story to the next, making the storybook all come together. Can't wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHi Gracie!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the title you chose for your storybook, it is definitely one that catches the readers eye, and is a little pun also! While it's been a while since I have had any greek mythology, it's probably been since like 7th grade, I look forward to reading your stories. You picked goddesses that I feel most people of read about or at least heard about, which can be beneficial to individuals who may not be as familiar with greek mythology.
I liked that your introduction gave the readers a quick preview of each of the goddesses you are going to be referencing about and telling the story.
An idea that could improve your storybook could be to include images in your header boxes. When you make your other tabs of the goddesses you could include these images to help the readers know what each goddess may have looked like.
Also in your paragraph referencing Aphrodite, you said she was the most beautiful of all gods, but I thought she was a goddess. This may be an error, or may just be a misunderstanding from me as a reader. I thought I would just point this out to you. I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook, I feel it will be a very interesting one!
Hey Gracie!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the site name is sooooooo cute! I truly love it because I never have anything cute and fun to with my name haha! I've always been so interested and intrigued by greek mythology and specifically gods and goddesses but have never really fully gone in depth with them. I like how you chose the specific figures you want to cover and said their meanings! That's always really helpful for us as an audience to know right off the bat! I think I'm especially excited to read the stories about Aphrodite because she has such power and I'm curious to read about the rivalry that happens with her. I like how you mention that your stories will have a unique twist because it shows that you're truly making it your own. You have a really good opportunity to show your creativity. Nice job and I can't wait to read the rest!
Hello Gracie. The Greek Gods are certainly a fun topic that you can take in so many different directions, it is interesting to see how you will include Hecate (who is I think one of the few Titans to still remain on Olympus after the Titans Versus Gods war but I could be wrong) in the story of the Trojan War. The one thing that really bothered me was that you didn't mention how the Judgement of Paris started the Trojan War. If you were to add more detail and explain how Aphrodite giving Helen to Paris was a key part of starting the war that would be cool. Also, will you be using Eris - who initially started the squabble leading to the Judgement of Paris - in your story? I just feel like she has such a important but usually forgotten role in starting the whole mess that it would be super awesome if you were to mention the Goddess of Chaos/Discord in your story! It's totally up to you, of course, but just a suggestion to think about. I am really into Greek Myth (as you probably can tell) so I might be going a little overboard but it just makes me so excited that you will be using this story for your storybook. It's one of my favorites! I'm totally down for it if you would ever want to bounce an idea off me (or not, that's okay too!). It is looking good right now and I can't wait to see your twist on the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Gracie!
ReplyDeleteI think you have an exciting setup to your storybook. You've given us just enough to see where your story is headed but it still leaves a lot of questions. I'm excited to see how you characterize the gods and goddesses and I think you have a lot of room to give them spicy personalities beyond what's already out there. I think that the intro does a great job of setting the groundwork for those goddesses that you intend to focus on, especially Hecate.
I wonder if each story will focus on a specific one of the three goddesses or if you're going to give them each some time in every story. I think either way would be cool. You could give each story page on your website a different theme to go with each of the goddesses! That would be a neat touch that can get the reader in the right mindset.
I love the name of your Storybook. It seems like a pun on your name, although hopefully I'm not guessing wrong there.
ReplyDeleteThe way you start your introduction is really cool. The idea that the stories have lived due to people telling them over and over is really neat, and as an opening line it grabs attention very well. The line where you mention the goddesses you're introducing could be changed slightly. The list of commas is a little intimidating to look at, and while the capitalized names show where the breaks in the three different lists should be, it's still a little hard to parse.
I like how you introduce the three goddesses and not just what what type of people they are, but also the basics of their stories without giving away too many specifics. The last line about how Hecate wasn't a part of the Trojan War in Greek mythology but will in yours leaves me very interested to see what stories we'll be seeing!
Hey Gracie, I really enjoyed looking at your storybook and learning more about greek mythology. I am not very familiar with greek mythology, but I did not seem lost in your introduction at all. You did a very good job of explaining the characters and introducing what is going to happen in your storybook. I also like how you leave room for your characters and stories to develop over the course of the class.
ReplyDeleteThe layout of your storybook looks like it is really coming together. One thing you could do to add some more color and theme to your introduction would be to change the header to a picture or something different. Right now it is the same header as on your home page. That is just an idea if you are looking to spice up your site a little bit.
Overall, great job! I am excited to read your storybook once it is a little more developed. I am also looking forward to learning more about greek mythology from your storybook.
Hey Gracie!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I loved the title pun! I'm not sure how it will tie into the the future stories but I'm looking forward to finding out! I am somewhat familiar with Greek mythology and the Trojan war but the introduction did a great job laying down the foundation. All of the characters were explained with sufficient detail and provided those without prior knowledge a quick glimpse into the world of greek mythology. One suggestion, however, would be to do some google searching for a "family tree" of the greek gods. This would help put into perspective who is related to who. The layout of the storybook looks promising and you ended the introduction with a nice cliff-hanger of how the third goddess will play a role in the Trojan war. Will the course of the war stay relatively the same or will there be significant changes such as a third army fighting for Helen? I am excited to read the first installment of this storybook!
Hey Gracie! I love the topic of your storybook, especially because I love reading about Greek gods and goddesses! I like how, in your introduction, you mentioned the names of each goddess, what they are known for, what they are the goddess of, and stated a few facts about them along the way. That really helps set up the story, because sometimes I forget what certain gods and goddesses are in charge of or what aspects of life they control. I am excited to read the rest of your story later on, because I am unfamiliar with some of the things you mentioned in your introduction. Like I said, I love learning about Greek gods and goddesses, so this should be fun for me! I also saw your statement about having a twist in the story, which is always exciting! Great job so far, and good luck on the rest!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading stories about Greek Mythology, and I think you did a good job with the intro to your storybook. Make sure to check the last sentence in the first paragraph because there seems to be the word [of] missing. It is when you mention, "Athena, goddess wisdom".
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am not very familiar with the original story of the Trojan War and how it began. So, maybe you could consider adding more details and explanations in that fourth paragraph or rephrasing it so readers can better understand how the goddesses influenced the war to start. When you write, "where three goddesses were chosen to be the fairest", I am curious are all of them selected as the "fairest" (did they tie?) or were they all being considered for this title of the "fairest", and in the end Aphrodite was the single goddess who was chosen? Maybe rephrase that sentence when you talk about the "fairest" to help readers better understand that part.
Good job, and I am looking forward to see how your storybook will unwind!
Hey Gracie! I was confused on the existence of two title pages. I am not sure if this was a formatting error or if it was on purpose. I was expecting a title on your main page. I love the picture that you used of the beach.
ReplyDeleteThe Woman and The Witch
I am into the supernatural theme.
In the second sentence it says "The children were names after the....," this is supposed to be named. *
I enjoyed the project. There were small grammatical errors, but it was a well put together project.
Hi Gracie! I like the set up of your site. It's easy to navigate, and the short paragraphs in your stories are easy to read. The images you picked for each story really work to set the mood for the story. I liked the story The People of the Ravens and the origin story it sets up for humanity. One thing you might do is add a bit more about the ravens and what they think of the advancements humanity makes in the story. Because of the title and the prevalence of ravens in the images, I expected them to play a bigger role in the story. I think it would be interesting to find out more about them. Overall, great project.
ReplyDeleteGracie,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your portfolio site! In the first story, The Woman and The Witch, make sure you add punctuation to the second sentence in that beginning paragraph because it seems to be missing a period after "trees">>"The children were names after the mothers favorite trees(.) The eldest was named Birch, then Cedar, then Oak, and the youngest, Elm. They lived in a cottage on the outskirts of town, just over the bridge."
I noticed that on your Homepage under "Stories" you have each of your story pages listed and the links to each one of them, but that one was not listed. That is just one small thing is that you may have overlooked since the link to the "People of Ravens" page is not on your Homepage. So, if you have time you may want to consider adding a link there to your story, "People of Ravens", to keep the design of your homepage consistent. This is just a suggestion, but it is by no means an edit of extreme importance.
Hey there, Gracie! I just finished looking through your website, “{Grace}ful Stories”. I am in the Indian Epics class, so I really enjoy doing these project feedback comments every week so that I have the opportunity to see what the other class is working on. I was very impressed with your latest post, “The People of the Ravens”. It was so interesting and I just wanted to keep reading more! These people seem so resourceful and determined to thrive in their environment. They are also very dedicated to having a better life and really enjoying what they are doing. It is also very cool that you used an original Native American story. I am native, so it is always nice to read about a familiar topic. You did such a great job and you really are very creative. If you haven’t already, you should consider playing around in creative writing!
ReplyDeleteHey Gracie! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections and the titles of your different stories. I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading all of your stories that you have incorporated into your portfolio. I really enjoyed reading, “The Woman and the Which” and I thought your story flowed really well and had some great dialogue between your characters. I feel like this gives your story more dimensions and makes it more interactive for the reader. Also, I feel like the concept for most of your stories were really creative and you did a great job at explaining the original stories in your Author’s Note! Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
ReplyDeleteHi, Gracie!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your Storybook, and wanted to offer feedback specifically on The Giant and the Creature.
I think you did an excellent job using descriptive language throughout the story, and I think you could have used that skill to provide more details, especially in regards to the creature. I would have liked for the creatures to be a specific animal or mythical creature, or to at least have more defining features than just intense green eyes.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the conclusion of your story, which in some ways reminded me of Disney's Hercules. If you wanted, I think you could add more drama to the story by making it somehow inappropriate for the creatures to approach the giants as directly as he did, further proving his love for the princess.
Finally, I found the image of the giant that you attached somewhat discomforting. For me, it was juxtaposed with the rest of the story, because your description of the giants made them sound beautiful, yet the photo is somewhat in conflict with that image.